Reminiscing the past.
A monologue.
So, I woke up in the middle of the night, restless, and started thinking about my life, the direction it has taken, the direction I wanted it to go.Something, that all of us do when things are not going according to the plan, or when you saw yourself somewhere else when you imagined this time. That was the night I realised the importance of reminiscing the past.
I never considered myself to be a nostalgic person, hell I wasn’t, I could bet upon it. And everyone tells you to move on, to live in the present and think about the future.Move on from the job you didn’t get, move on from that bad breakup you had, move on from that sad moment of your life.A horde of people telling you to move on but nobody telling you to relive the moments you had in the past. Moments with people, strangers who were once the closest and people who are a vital part of your life now, who you never thought would be there at the time.Nobody tells you to relive those bittersweet memories, those emotions you once felt, things that used to spark a sense of joy in you, things that used to break your heart, times a person left you awestruck, times you left someone mesmerised...
I don’t know if people do this, or if it is even normal but I used to have a peculiar habit in the past which I experienced, err, re-experienced that night. I used to have a habit of reading old messages and reliving those bittersweet moments with people who were close to me or used to be once. A habit that set this train of thought that night and set me on this not so grand but eye opening journey of self-realisation and discovery.
In this fast paced life as we move ahead, we lose the time, energy and motivation to reconnect with and embrace the older versions of ourselves and we lose the will to reconnect with people who used to have substantial importance in our life.We get busier, so busy that we don’t even get to vet our own position in life or heed to people that matter to us, so thinking about the past and people that used to be is out of question. And as we move ahead in life we leave more and more things and people behind with less time to recollect and that’s when we start losing ourselves. Sometimes, it’s not so bad to take a minute and check the footing you are on in life.
And, scientifically speaking, our brain is wired in such a way that it keeps the frequently used memories, people and things we might need often in the primary memory and everything else is slowly thrown back to the endless pit of old memories much like a computer system. So, I wouldn’t say that it’s someone’s fault when they forget something or someone, it’s just the way the human brain is wired.
From my belief, your personality is fragments of people you met your entire life. You are nothing but pieces of people you met and people who left their impression on you. You are nothing but a metaphorical cocktail of personalities. As we meet more people, our personality becomes more complex and complicated.We learn new things and discover new traits we never thought we could have. So, it would be safe to say that these moments are what make you. You don’t have to agree with everything I say, but you can’t essentially deny the fact that you don’t see people and go, “damn, why didn’t I meet that person before” or “wow, she is so much like me”. If you do, you’d be lying, not to me but yourself.
Gradually as the memories fade, you move on with your life and things you experienced and get back to your present day. The only thing you see when you look back is the what you used to be and what you have become but not the moments and people that shaped you.
Looking back we all have good moments and memories we enjoy and some we regret and never wish to remember again. And sometimes it’s the fear of bad that makes us suppress the good moments and memories we had and becomes a barrier between what we used to be and what we can become, which is a better version of ourselves. I am talking a lot about moments and memories, it’s mainly because I believe they are something that make us human and shape us as we are today and for what we might be . I realised they are the only things that keep in touch with yourself and show how strong your past can be and why your present and future can never impact you as much.
All that said one important thing that can’t be ignored when it comes to the past is learning a lesson. Remember, when you were a kid and burnt your hand on something hot. I’m sure you don’t. But after that incident, you were careful with hot things your entire life. Lessons are one thing that are always associated with the past and rightfully so. “History teaches us that man learns nothing from history”. Unless, it’s your history, because nothing moves humans like a personal experience, something they can relate to.
I know I sound like a lifestyle guru in the text above,I think so, but to be honest, I am as clueless about life as the person next to me and what I wrote are the things that were in my mind after that long night, they are a series of realisations, an epiphany that struck me that night after a long conversation with myself .
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